I may have failed but I've loved you from the start.

Tadaaaaa ! I just woke up now at 3pm.

But was interrupted by few phone calls and messages earlier so didn't sleep like pig. Sigh you know I'm a busy woman plenty of multi million dollar business waiting for me to handle. *blushed* A friend called informing the cancellation of both classes today AM SO HAPPY. Talked on the phone awhile and slept again. Feeling guilty for sleeping too much, here am I doing assignments blogging now.

Went Subang last night, dropped by at Time Square wanted to buy those dresses on sale but the bf comment this and that. END UP NEVER BUY SO SAD LA. This morning which I dunno what time was awaken by the bf. People so sleepy he so annoying. But but.. dunno why he EXTRA KIND today brought me out for breakfast at Puchong. Hmm I sensed weirdness.

Ignore him. Lol. Yuen dim sum. =)




Breakfast was indeed satisfying. =) Uhhh. Did I tell you I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee dim sum? I don't mind eating them every week. Ahem. *hint hint*

--- <3 ---

Something is bugging me lately but I can't really tell what is that specifically. A type of feelings which kills me, really, really does. You may see me being on top of the world now - having every bits in my life that I desired but I'm still left confused aside. I want to be honest that I still have doubts. Highly doubts on this decision of ours. I can't seem to find back the trust; the confidence. I still feel soppy whenever I think about it.

I can sit down wondering what in world you're thinking about..
but I don't think I'm ever going to figure it out..

I have this negative side of mine which think negatively very often. I won't express my feelings in front of others. I mean, not to say won't; reluctant perhaps which I dunno why. I have this very very bad attitude of not speaking out most of the time. I tend to keep everything to myself. Old habits can never die can't they?

Things really have changed.
I can't tell how much I've grown. I can sort of see that my perspective on certain things have changed, but I'm not sure if that classifies as 'growth'. What if my way of thinking just went a step backward? I like telling myself that I have grown, it makes me feel a little more matured.

It feels.. different. A whole new chapter. I find it hard to accept when people around started telling me all sort of hurtful comments. This friend was so true. He knew perfectly the feelings. He just knew it. That is why I somehow grew closer to him apart from the political issues going on in college. I mind their words, but most of all I mind every single word of yours. Probably because I'm still haunted by the past so much that eventually makes me feel insecure. The fear of losing it again overwhelms me. I honestly feel as if a part of me is missing. I'm moving on with everything because that's the way it should be right?

But sometimes.. I just can't help but to feel empty; to feel that missing piece.
I don't really know what I want anymore. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting inside that it's eating me up. Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I ran away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding it's way back towards me. The tears in your eyes, sometimes makes me wish that I was never brought into this place, never have known you 5 years back.

Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart.
Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am.. isn't me.

我不喜欢你因为我爱你。