Detik demi detik masa ku nanti apa kan ada.

I'm terribly exhausted.

It's only 3rd day of CNY now and I'm already all drained out seriously.

Overnights gambling, going around visiting, midnight movies, yam cha sessions, non stop eating and non stop gambling.. it's driving me insane. Barely have time to sleep every night since the pre-CNY days. Night seems like day to me now. I've never really seen the sun for the past few days. Gambling indoor is enough.

All's Well End's Well 2009. Super duper stupid lame show. But it's damn funny lar.

The Wedding Game. Not too bad show, but not up to my expectation. -_-
But still okay lar, at least it made me tears with damn emo songs.
FANN WONG ROCKSSSSS!!!

Inkheart. Disappointed show. Damn sucky don't watch!

Not a fan of Brendan Fraser anyway.

My night schedules are really pack till the following week, but everyone keep making night plans still, I don't know how to slot in anymore!

Plus I totally forgotten about studying. YES I STILL HAVE EXAM!

On a random note, I'm growing horizontal faster than ever!!!

I knew I would have to face it one day but I really don't know how. The more I avoid, the sooner I get caught. People are constantly prompting me the same question, including my parents and especially on occasions like this. I'm stuck with my tongue tight, denying and lying to everyone else.

I've lost track of time long ago.

I came home late nights hoping I could just fall asleep straight but no. When I sit alone in the room, music plugged into my ears, and I zone out, I tend to start thinking more than what I want to. It puzzles me. Because I can't figure out what has happened, what is happening and what is going to happen next in my life.

Did I really allow myself to slip away from things, people and places that mattered so much to me? Or maybe, I'm just not allowing myself the time to sort myself out, because I'm afraid I won't get what I want.

Because of what has happened now, because of what is happening now, I feel as if there's a void I don't know how to fill. And part of me doesn't want to. Part of me just wants to thrust forward, the other, looks back and wonders what happened. Why is this.. Why am I falling into the trap, living in the state of denial.

I honestly don't know.

I'm off to bed.

HAPPY NIU YEAR! MAY YOU BLESSED WITH AN OXPICIOUS YEAR!

To love or not to love.

You gave me a smile that I could never forget.

Time never stands still.

It's frustrating to think that time awaits no one. Many at times we often use TIME as excuse, to avoid, to hide from reality. If that's the case, why do we need time to heal then? I think I'd lost my mind for awhile.
I'd been feeling really painful, emotionally. I can't be happy.

Anyway, I'll try not to post anything emo-er for the time being. See how time flies. It's the best time of the year again. But I kinda doubt. It seems like more or less I'm going through the same CNY I had the previous year. Maybe, just maybe I'd lost the courage to step up.

On a side note, I'd completely overspent this CNY. God knows how guilty I felt seeing all those stuff lying in my room. Sigh what to do when you have extra pocket money right. HAHAHA. Temptations are killer!
Don't bother counting my expenses or else I might just kill myself.

We had BIG cleaning session since Friday till JUST NOW. I turned my room from a rubbish store to a brand new human looking room! I even beautified and redecorate EVERYTHING. It's not that bad idea to tidy up your room after all, because it definitely brings back old memories. I finally found the contract beaver wrote for me two years ago/he hides them between my bookshelf and it made me laughed reading them. Sometimes no matter how bad things ought to be, you'll still smile for those memories.

This morning when I was so busy sorting out clothes from my closet, MY MUM WAS SO BUSY SITTING IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER WATCHING GEM OF LIFE! Don't play play people damn canggih episode 69 okay. I'm at zero episode lar can! Hmpf why is this even happening. My dad? He is so busy decorating the house with RED thingy. Pfft my house is so.. reddish ewww. o_o

It's been the busiest days rushing for CNY and IT'S KILLING ME SOFTLY HARDLY! Last minute shopping and whatsoever, climb up and down, bend high and low, washing here and there with dust flying all around.
TIRING KAO KAO! Plus going to the supermarket to restock new year groceries at 11pm! The crowds are crazy!

Ahh my backbone aching. Muscles screaming. Flu and sore throat got worse. DIE!

The other night I told my dad I'm going out to yamcha NEARBY, I actually drove all the way to Midvalley!
Bravo to me. It rained fuckingly heavy on the way there, and it was so scary because I don't know the way back!
But! It was such a pleasant experience.

I regret cutting my hair. So regret. I don't likey my hair now!

Hmm the other day when I went to the bank, the sales person asked me something funny.

new year balik kampung mana?
connaught..
oh connaught? mana tu? jauh ke?
...
CHERAS SAJE LAR!

Lol.

Before that, I AM OFFICIALLY 45KG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!

Oh shit it's almost 3pm already now, and reunion dinner is at 6! Why am I so great still blogging here huhu.
I'm going to bath my car and bath myself. So lateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I AM THE MOST PATHETIC MAID WITH NO SALARY OKAY! Hmpf. T____________________T

Throw it away forget yesterday.

Chances of failing today's paper is like.. 90%.

I nearly fainted during exam; I felt everything's spinning around me I couldn't even think and write properly. Lucky Mr Julius was there. Really. He accompanied me to downstairs toilet, gave me a cup of hot chocolate and comfort me. If it wasn't because of him, I would have breakdown and cry on the spot. I managed to complete the paper anyhow, but I did one whole section wrongly; I drew totally the wrong diagram - half the marks gone.
I came out from the hall tearing, because I never expect to fail any paper before my graduation.

My bunch of friends waited for me outside the hall. I was sobbing so hard that few minutes, and even harder when I saw them. We went over PV6 for brunch, I was still sobbing a little. Finally the boys suggested to bring me to V2 for Left 4 Dead. After 4 hours of killing and screaming, it cheered me up for real. Serious shit, never play this game alone at night. Bloody hell scary! Imagine your task is to kill all the zombies in the hospital, it's freaking dark in there, suddenly you see a pitiful small boy sitting at the corner, as you walk nearer you hear him breathing slowly, and just when you about to rescue him, he turns out to be JU ON and the bloody muddy sucky horrible face attack right on your screen! Mother fucker. Scare me like shit.

Yeah I know. No use crying over split milk. Nasi sudah menjadi bubur. So I'm prepared to face the worst scenario- resit next semester. That's it. Watch it die, let it burn. What is done cannot be undone.

We went McD the other day supposedly to study but we ended up talking for 5 hours straight! -___-

Excuse my vain pictures. =)

That night we went Danau Kota for dinner. Ordered butter prawn, fried squid, fu yong egg, kong pou chicken, steam fish, sizzling beancurd, vege and bitter ground soup. Omfg best!

Just came back from Mines, to search for the dress I wanted but sigh. Feel so guilty, sorry her dear. So we end up in DUKE highway for road test. It actually.. sucks I guess. And I took flu tablets earlier, damn drowsy and sickening now. I'd been suffering from insomnia few days already, torturing really. It's time to rest in peace.

It can happen to anyone of us
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt
Anyone can fail
I can't take
My heart will break
Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake.

My heart is like an open highway.

Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is only starting over
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Say it isn't so.

Now all I got to say is why.

Exams so far so good. Still manageable except when you don't expect such MINOR topics to be tested but it appeared to be the MAJOR ones in BOTH papers; you will feel totally fucked up right on the spot, looking at your friends with the WHAT THE HELL face. No question on IMPORTANT parts. Nothing I memorized came out. Nothing at all. That's it. 2 down 1 more to go before CNY holidays.

Overall, I really am proud with all my course work's marks. I'm conquering the highest marks for Marketing, Law and MME except MULTIMEDIA. If he ever fail me in coursework, I'm failing my finals as well. God damn him.

I aimed high beginning of the semester. But I rephrase my words now. I'm contented with just credit, as long as I don't fail any of the subjects it's fairly enough. That's the least I'm asking for. I lied to myself that I'm doing the best I can but the truth is that I AM NOT. I slacked a lot towards the end of semester. I procrastinated and still procrastinating now. I lost concentration on what I'm doing. I lost the way I'm supposed to live in life. I lost the inspiration to do well in everything suddenly. I feel so bothered, so bothered and so bothered.

Helpless.

My mood swings from bad to worse. I have no idea what exactly I'm going through each day.
Confused with what's going on. Trying to sort things out and think things through. Can time really heal?











Why do you keep me waiting and disappeared. Just why.

Listen to my heart.

... 想念你

Three two one the scream from my heart.

I'm having fever. Real fever + exam fever = HIGH FEVER.

So I've been studying hard like a good girl these few days. With the three monkeys boys.

Anyway, the point is that I feel damn good and happy. Why? Because they treat me as if I'm the only PRINCESS left on earth. Free transport. Free meals. I have the power to voice out not like normal days where I get bullied and teased every minute. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. -____-

Cheh. You think they really so KIND? Cheebye kias. They only rely on my notes and tutorial so they won't fail lar! *cough* I think I should start charging tuition fees per hour! =)


Oh well this is a damn good time for revenge btw.. cause whenever they start teasing me I'll shout..

" SAY SOME MORE I WON'T TEACH YOU! STUDY YOURSELF! "

They immediately shut the fuck up, gimme the =( face and listen to what I have to say. Huhuhu. So fun. I'm loving this super power! Gonna use it to the maximum while I still have the chance.

Yesterday I was craving badly for KFC but my bro die die don't wanna go so I said something 'nice' to him and the next minute he suggested that we study there today! HAHAHAHAHA so happy happyyyyy.

Before that, I woke up bloody late today I thought my bro gonna diao me but the babi woke up later than me! Huhu. 15 minutes later he reached my doorstep when I was still bathing! Sweats. Oug to Ampang 10 minutes!?!? !@#$%^&*@!% Then we fly to meet up with the other two, instantly you can see smoke coming out from their heads but who cares right just buat bodoh lar dei! =p

We sat inside Pizza Hut for 10 freaking hours! Studying eating chatting and gossiping wtf. I think we refilled 6 jugs of Pepsi or more wtf gonna die of diabetes soon. The workers there were dulan at us - we were the loudest, noisiest, ordered only a set meal for 4 and sat there WHOLE DAY plus kept asking them to refill.

But hey! No law says I cannot sit in there as long as I want. WE HAVE CONSUMER RIGHTS OKAY! Sue kao them according to Section.. (Sorry too obsessed with law these days thanks to toopid law subject)




And I'm seriously being polluted by them. For example I asked them to re-explain some statements they 'll go..

" Kanasai so easy.. blah blah blah.. SOHAI.. "

-______________-

Gosh I don't understand why the heck must they add sohai behind every sentence feel like slap kao them. Then when they don't get the point I'm explaining, they will start greeting their mother.

" Kan ni nia.. ni kan eu jin jiang se mo.. "

Or when I tend to talk abit too fast they can't catch up.

" Diu ah you think now racing in F1 is it? Chao chi dan.. @_@ "

MEH! Wtf damn no manners these people. Teach them some more kena scold deng.

No use waste my saliva debating with them. Just show them middle finger for good sake. =)

See he become so guai and hardworking after kena belasah by me. Huhu.

Tell you. We had pizza for lunch (damn bloated after finishing 1 large pizza, 1 regular pizza, garlic bread, soup and chicken wings) then we had KFC snack plate (2 chickens, 1 bread, 1 coselow, 1 mash potato + side order cheessy wedges and popcorn chicken) one set per person during tea time then we had McDonald prosperity set for dinner. WHAT THE FUCK FATSO.

So much of happiness while eating so much so SADNESS after eating wtf.

I just gained back the 2kg I lost. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Anyhow, today's study group rather productive. Managed to cover 12 chapters which equivalent to one subject. Woots. Stress overwhelming. Sigh feels like shit.

I've been sleeping 12 hours daily ever since semester ended but I'm still sleepy! Crap.

For some reason I can't explain
I know you won't call my name..

Sing a sad song just to turn it around.

One minute you're flying..
The next, you're engulfed in darkness..
One minute your life's the perfect fairytale..
The next, it's the perfect nightmare..

Someone commented on my style of writing and said the way I express myself.. changed.

I really wished I could express every single bit of my feelings in here but I can't seems to put them all in words. I don't understand why, therefore I can't explain why. It's just a feeling. As different as the situation looks, the feeling remains. Nothing is as what it seems. On the outside, you see the joy, the laughter, the happiness. But delve deeper in, you'll find none of that. You'll find a feeling that's cold and empty, one you'd never thought would exist in such a situation, but it's true. You forced yourself to smile. You faked your smile.

I've got a million and one thing in my mind every night that are just jumbled up inside. So many thoughts.. so many feelings.. so many emotions.. and everything's happening at the same time. It almost feels like a daily routine. Happy early morning, stressful mid-morning, tiring afternoon, moody evening and depressing nights.

You fall down so hard that you can no longer stand up on your own. You've lost the ability to look on the bright side of life. You want to lock yourself up in a dark room.. away from the world you now see so cruel. You can't predict what will happen next, so you're afraid. You're afraid to take one step after the other. Afraid of taking one wrong turn and winding up even more lost than you already were before.

What seemed so right before, seems so wrong now. What you used to believe in, now false. Who you used to trust, you trust no more. Who you used to love, love you less. Who you used to depend on, has ran away from your side. What you thought would last forever, fades away like morning mist as the day goes on.

There are nights I just can't stop crying, days I can't stop thinking, moments where time seems slower, and other moments that seem too fast that I just can't keep up with the pace. Many a time I've felt the urge to breakdown, scream my lungs out, escape. There's no way out of whatever load of crap I'm in, there's no way of forgetting whatever it is I'm thinking of.

You know that feeling as if everything's caving in on you? You're just enclosed in one tight, dark space. You don't have enough space to breathe. You can't find your way out. How about that feeling.. is like everyone's moving ahead of you, but you're still glued to the same spot. Everyone's moving further and further away, and as hard as you try to catch up, you just can't. And just when you think you've finally caught up, you trip over a stone.. and it's back to phase 1. No one else is gonna help you achieve.. you're on your own.. and it feels like shit.. bullshit.

I can't see why I'm staying when I've already lost track of what I was holding onto. It all boils down to nothing. Do you know how it feels like when it all comes down to nothing?

I stayed. I hoped. I waited.
I'm afraid. Afraid I'll miss out if I walk away. Afraid I'll miss it when it walks by.

You won't realize how fast time has passed you till you've been brought back to the past. I've been thinking a lot about the past year and the new year. Considering how 2008 has been and how 2009 going to be. Going into 2008, I never imagined all the things that happened would happen. If there's anything I've learnt, is that in one year, a whole lot can happen. A whole lot. I've seen much pain and loss in the past year. Many, many changes. Many unexpected things. I've cried for both myself and for those I love.

For me, 2008 has been a year of life.
Because life happened for me in 2008.
I cried tears I never thought I would cry, seen things I never thought I would see and felt things I never thought I would feel.

I'm afraid of what another year might bring. Simply because 2008 has shown me that a year can bring A LOT. I dare not face the possibilities in 2009. And because of that also, I wasn't and still am clueless about how I feel about the new year.

No doubt, 2008 has been a year to remember.
And it has been an incredible year in both the good and bad ways.

---

Was in Education Fair yesterday, spending hours figuring my pre-graduation plan. I've not made up my mind yet though, but I've got this sudden urge to further my studies abroad. Aussie would be my first priority, if not probably I'll be settling down in Singapore this year. We'll see how things go..

Months turn into weeks that turn into days, that turn into hours, that turn into minutes and eventually seconds..

Finals in 3 more days believe it or not I haven't started studying a bit. The thing is, I can't concentrate and stay focus AT ALL. THREE theory-based papers within 5 days. How awesome is that going to be. =)

"No matter how gifted, you alone cannot change the world."

Promise me that you'll leave the light on.

/EDIT: This post is delayed due to the CHEEBYE Internet connection. /
* Additional photos below.

I am back INJURED and SUNBURN-ED! Wtf.

Anyway upon reaching home I received a real bad news from my partner. Tears rolled down within that few seconds. Is like everything hit me in one shot, I needed to burst out so terribly. There's nothing more I can do really. I gave my best to everything I do, to everyone I cared but why is this hitting me as if I have no feelings. DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY KNOWS I'M SUFFOCATING LIKE FUCK HERE.

Fuck that bastard. If ever I'm not graduating from Diploma it's because of YOU.

And yesterday. We had the worst moment choosing our team members for creative campaign development next semester. 8 of us were forced to seperate because we are all from the same class. It's really hard to let go of the bond seriously. That feeling sucks.. you don't want to know. Every decision we made was crucial, whether who to eliminate or who to grab into the group. And it's based on first-come-first-serve basis, everyone's fighting to be with their own friends of course. Tragic incident happened; I sorta gave up last minute. Let's just fate decide. Glad that I met this person. I think he's damn good to work together with.

I'm missing sem 5 already.

Polystyrene cutter is so fun to play with. =)

Gavin and the chipmunks.

Hewlett Packard vs MyVi SE.

I don't know if I can overcome this any longer; you ask me who am I? Nobody cares anyway.

Dengarkan lagu ini melodi rintihan hati ini.

So it's 2009 already in just a brink of an eye.

No countdown. No celebration. No nothing. But I'm glad you guys made it. It reminds me of one of those nights we used to lie down and had heart to heart talks. I have faith in us. I believe 3 years from now, we will make our dream come true together. This is our promise. *hugs and kisses*

I actually planned to sleep the whole day on 1st of January 2009 but someone asked me out for movie the moment I woke up in noon so I thought why not since I've not been to the cinema for ages.

Watched this.

Cape No. 7 a.k.a Hai Jiao Qi Hao

FREAKING FREAKING FREAKING ROMANTIC! It's really so natural and.. beautiful.

Ahh they fucking cut this part damn potong stim!

And I didn't know the guy is actually Fan Yi Chen! Wtf wtf wtf how the hell I'm suppose to know lar I only listen to his songs never know how he look like also! -__-




Love this song.




Damn this song is just so touching. Omfg I cried towards the end because of this song.
The confession part was real nice. Never felt this touched before. T___________T

Overall I'm VERY memerized with this fascinating love story.

Guess what. I'm leaving in two hours time and I've yet to pack a single stuff!

Ta'