Today's been a pretty gloomy day. I've once promised myself to push everything behind and just brave each day with a smile. Sometimes, I can't stand how much I've been tearing myself apart. It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen. But it's even harder to give up when you know it's all you ever wanted. I avoid hoping because I'm afraid. Afraid of everything I'm afraid of. Hope always leads to disappointment after all. So please just stop me from hoping further. Things are always easier said than done, no?
Blah. I have zero idea why am I feeling so blah right now. Loneliness do kills you see. I don't like waking up, doing things alone only to realize I have no partner to deal with. It's torturous having no one by your side to share everything with, maybe? I need a hug so badly.
Anyway, exactly one month away from today, is going to be my birth day. Honestly speaking, I'm not even close to being excited, nor being happy either. I used to, not now anymore. The main reason would be part of my close friends will be away. Definitely, saddening. What can we do without their laughters. I supposed, it won't be that happening no more compared to previous celebrations we had. Second, I have no special person to celebrate with this year. I mean, yeah if you get what I mean. My family usually don't celebrate, but it's okay. My other friends, I highly doubt. My cousins, I don't expect much from them though. Everyone is busy with their love life, understandable. I'm not trying to make myself sound pathetic but common. Reality bites.
What used to make me smile, now makes me fawn.
What used to give me warmth, now gives me cold.
What used to give me warmth, now gives me cold.
It's feels hard to actually come to a conclusion thinking that no one will celebrate with you. I wouldn't be ashame to admit. I do hope for a guy to bake me a cake, present me with homemade gifts, doing all sorts of silly stuffs to cheer me, hug and kisses me in the middle of the night with candles all around and shower me with much love. Or surprise me in front of the house gate when the clock struck 12. Who wouldn't? Of course, I wish the someone would be the one I hope for. But huh. I don't see the day coming.
I always wanted to have a simple yet memorable birthday, that possibly touches my heart and most likely to make me cry like mad woman. I wouldn't go for a romantic one, because I have none boyfriend to romantic with at this moment. No matter how much you wished, it still goes back to square one. Friends. I need them more than anything else. I'm not even demanding for presents like how I usually did. But hey, I seriously need a watch. But then again. I'm very choosy that I must only choose on my own. Sigh. I'm not bitching here trying to show off anything or whatsoever. I'm sad. Damn sad can?
In the end, it's all plain wishes.
Random news. MICHELLE WILL BE COMING BACK TOMORROW! Omfg. Time flies. Seriously, 3 months passed like 3 days. I bet she had loads of fun over there. Oh no, she actually told me SHE DON'T WANNA COME BACK SO FAST! Addicted to their lifestyles perhaps. Tonight probably her last night at Paris or.. wait a minute. I think she's on the plane now! Omfg. What if she comes back holding an ang moh's hand? Omfg. What if the ang moh is too handsome that I fall for him also? Shit. My brain is full of nonsense. I wanna meet her but I have no idea what time is her flight arriving? On a side note, I've been to KLIA 3 times within these 3 months, not for my traveling sake but for sending off! Omfg.
Btw, the mail-blog thingy is hilarious. Those words.. failed to make me smile. Instead, they make me burst out laughing all the way! I tell you, the moment you start reading, it drives you crazy. I just dunno why it can be so funny. Li, you got potential be joker for real. CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN MY DEAR DUMB DOGGY! You're not dumb at all man. Swt.
Oh, and I learned a new thing reading this person's blog.
xoxo = asshole asshole.
So much to say.
So much I can't say.
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