Wake me up when September ends.

I think I've never been quite the same since the day I found my newly promoted side.

As I sit here in a confined living room alone, I ponder on what is the meaning of life again. To think that my journey have been an incredibly whirlwind emotional of outbursts overload... to think that I have not been enjoying to the bit and pieces of my life... to think of the contentment and refine love from people surroundings... to think of all the painful and heartbreaking moment of my life... to think that certain events have been completely life-changing... to think that things come and gone... to think that my life has barely just begun...



In the face of such revelations, I wish I could stop myself from feeling hurt, or caring, but that's just bullshit. I wish to erase history, or turning back time but evidently this is something I'm never getting back. It had me realized nothing will ever be right don't they? We often forced to make painful decisions in life. Sometimes I think I'm too weak to walk down this path any longer. I tried escaping from agony, avoiding that kinda misery, deleting unwanted journals - but at the end of the day it still boils down to reality.

Apparently I still need the courage to continue walking.



Mesmerizing fireworks up in Genting. :)



Typing these words seem a lot harder than usual today.

After all that happened, I'm actually fine. I'd cried for many overwhelming sadness and that's how I grown up. I may have fall but I will be strong to stand up on my own once again. I may have nothing in my life now but I'm fairly sure to have everything soon. Because I see a glimpse of hope shimmering along the road and a blooming career awaiting. Meanwhile, I'm pretty confident in scoring most of my assignments so far. Everything is progressing reasonably well and far ahead from deadlines. :)

So there goes my 5 days worth of holiday.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.

Life gets a little bit harder each week, and makes me a little bit broken too.

It has been a tiring week trying to organize our work flow accordingly and adjusting on assignment schedules so we can easily manage our deadlines later on. Didn't expect us to be such determined students at only final semester. That because we realized our journey in school is driving shorter and the future is drawing nearer. I spoke to Nell about how my career will go about and I'd always like her encouragements. Her words often gave me valuable impacts and very strong implications which made me felt wanted. I don't know if she is really impressed with my performance or what not but I like to think she is. I would say, her presence took my maturity level a step higher and turned me into a changed person for once.

One perfect Sunday at Sepang Gold Coast. :)





























But that's alright because I like the way it hurts...

There ain't no other who can comfort me.

Abso ♥ weekend.

Shopping with the boys, dins with a bunch of hunny bunnies, three rounds of midnight drinking, cycling under baking hot sun at Putrajaya lakeside, bloated chicken lunch with ALL potatoes side dishes, big fat bbq feast by the beach and catching pretty sunrise on a Monday morning. They really never fail to protect me with unconditional love always. It's been awhile since I last embraced such feeling...

Back to reality with 4 untouch assignments fml.

Love can't handle me right now.

This week ends on a relatively good buy.
FINALLY. A pink hdd! It's not exactly an ideal gadget tho but positive enough for now. <3

I recently started on a healthy daily routine - wake up especially early for classes, spend the remaining noon in library, evening swim with the boys, preparing dinner of the day, chilling by the playground with peaceful sky view, an episode of drama and sleep. It may be empty but I find them very comforting and productive. Which literally I'd wrote about 5k of words for my internship report in just 2 days, and still typing. Creepy how hardworking I have been.

The other day we actually baked for our farewell in LB.

Until 4 freaking am.



80 cupcakes in a night pretty amazing huh.



And the next day everyone was certainly impressed with my baking skill. Nothing gets better when you see your hard work and efforts paid off. Made me delighted, very. :)

Speaking of which, it's unbelievable to see something you worked on live in public appearance no? I was really excited when Nell called me on this, because it was one of the biggest account I did for. Apparently it went through many shitty complications before having these achievements. Check out http://www.petronasgreetings.com/2010/ for our 2010 PETRONAS Merdeka commercial.

True strength lies within our heart. Go and die Raeee! :p

Like a wave bashing into the shore.

...do you know what I don't know?

Who I am, who I'm not, and who I wanna be...

Talk about being just pure in the head.

I don't get why is this even happening, why it has to be a saddening chapter to read on always. I must admit I struggle within this issue at most of times because I can't come together to put things at the right manner and I can be easily moved by the smallest things. I always tell myself not to compare life with others but at the end of the day, I still find that comparing mode running in my head.

I need to learn to live a life to ignore these belittles and not let them affect me. But the fact that I can't fucking do it. I look on to the ceiling of my bedroom every night and a blank empty space fades in. Why so?

I don't know what has been going about in my utter mind as of now, but it's entirely something that has a lot to concern about a comfort level. This is a weird state, perhaps I have been too wanting on a certain attention that I totally lose the idea of how it is? Or is it just me longing for some extra care and extraordinary love? I wouldn't know.

My life is almost invisible right now. I wouldn't know how to do without them by my side everyday. As for others, Nell and I had came to a mutual understanding where we will be working accordingly for the next three months until I officially enters as a Burnetter. I agreed to work from home, and this has taken my workload one bucket heavier. They say I'm stupid but I say I'm happy as a dog with two tails. At least my capabilities are visible, at least they still care of my abilities. No I'm not trying to boast on anything, I just want my visibility to be fucking acknowledged.

Securing my career in Leo Burnett has done me proud. In fact the proudest thing I've ever won for myself. I don't know if I can ever describe this successful feeling to anyone, just because I got this all with my own fucking efforts. It just had me realized the fortunate side of mine. God threw me with so many fucking times of disappointment, so many fucking pain in the heart, wasted so many fucking litre tears of mine - alas they granted me with something much more valuable than anything else I wish for.

Final semester, it only means that this is my final chance to score well and improve on my results entirely. I'm afraid, and I'm shaken to realized I cannot afford to lose even a single point. It's going to be a tough one and I dare not imagine the stress I will be put on. And I will not deny the fact that we are all dependent to out side elements to be able to achieve a happening - hence this would be my pillar of support throughout this semester.

...soppy heart on a rainy night