Talk about being just pure in the head.

I don't get why is this even happening, why it has to be a saddening chapter to read on always. I must admit I struggle within this issue at most of times because I can't come together to put things at the right manner and I can be easily moved by the smallest things. I always tell myself not to compare life with others but at the end of the day, I still find that comparing mode running in my head.

I need to learn to live a life to ignore these belittles and not let them affect me. But the fact that I can't fucking do it. I look on to the ceiling of my bedroom every night and a blank empty space fades in. Why so?

I don't know what has been going about in my utter mind as of now, but it's entirely something that has a lot to concern about a comfort level. This is a weird state, perhaps I have been too wanting on a certain attention that I totally lose the idea of how it is? Or is it just me longing for some extra care and extraordinary love? I wouldn't know.

My life is almost invisible right now. I wouldn't know how to do without them by my side everyday. As for others, Nell and I had came to a mutual understanding where we will be working accordingly for the next three months until I officially enters as a Burnetter. I agreed to work from home, and this has taken my workload one bucket heavier. They say I'm stupid but I say I'm happy as a dog with two tails. At least my capabilities are visible, at least they still care of my abilities. No I'm not trying to boast on anything, I just want my visibility to be fucking acknowledged.

Securing my career in Leo Burnett has done me proud. In fact the proudest thing I've ever won for myself. I don't know if I can ever describe this successful feeling to anyone, just because I got this all with my own fucking efforts. It just had me realized the fortunate side of mine. God threw me with so many fucking times of disappointment, so many fucking pain in the heart, wasted so many fucking litre tears of mine - alas they granted me with something much more valuable than anything else I wish for.

Final semester, it only means that this is my final chance to score well and improve on my results entirely. I'm afraid, and I'm shaken to realized I cannot afford to lose even a single point. It's going to be a tough one and I dare not imagine the stress I will be put on. And I will not deny the fact that we are all dependent to out side elements to be able to achieve a happening - hence this would be my pillar of support throughout this semester.

...soppy heart on a rainy night