Talking to the moon.

Off day oh so blissful.

Today I'm feeling quite contented, it's a feeling I haven't felt for a long time. My disappearance since the new year had me realized how much things changed in a short span of life. It was only some weeks ago that I wrote here how awesome my life is transforming but at a certain point now, I doubt how reality is treating me. This January has been difficult, way too difficult that I succumbed to despair many times. Is it just me or how everything else is turning poor? I miss the boys like crazy, it's the least I can do for having such disgustingly great lives.

While I'm wallowing in depression and self deprecation, I have an impulsive thought of quitting what I'm currently doing. Some excruciating pressures that I cannot overcome. Soft feelings that made my heart fluttered so wildly. I'm pretty abnormal already. On a second thought, it's rather impossible to give up such a pleasant opportunity unless the company decided to terminate my employment. Which apparently the ongoing conflicts in our office is driving everyones nerve to an extend. This would be the beginning of all drama I believe.

Sometimes I think I have lost all ability to feel anything except bitter. We often meet people who are just like the blenders, ruthlessly, they cut, chop, dice, slice, whirl and swirl until everything that goes in it comes out as an unrecognizable puree. And because my dad just bought a blender home instead of a cake mixer that I requested, I somehow have this very strange kind of apprehension as I look into the blender. Something very dismal, and one that culminates in this noon of silence.

My mind is whining too much lately, as if the brain had filtered all my thoughts into negative. With CNY approaching, none of our families are celebrating this jolly occasion. Very pessimistic that CNY is not going to be CNY for us this year, then again, it's the Chinese custom that we have to obey anyway. So fairly, I haven't gone for any festive shopping last year end/this year which sums up pathetically. For all I know, I've been wearing jeans to work practically everyday, improper makeups and unkempt hair. Sigh in dire need of a total makeover. I seriously need to stop being low spirits and start fresh!

...what has become a very recognizable circle of emotions