Tonight I find the need to put things down in words again because I can't possibly cope with all the emotions anymore.
I have had a string of what felt like bad lucks, which tear my heart open in the shortest time. When I look back over my life, I blame myself. My weaknesses, my carelessness, my stubbornness and maybe of all things is my stupidity. I'd come so far to realize all the efforts of mine being made were finally paying off, and that I have successfully moved on from the dark phase of my life but they choses to rip me apart. I have been crying all day now because I don't know how to go about detaching myself from these series of pain, and no longer see the stronger side of me. I'm becoming impartial, exhausted and hateful, and for a while I thought it was all part of growing up. But actually, the problem lies in being weak, in having to judge responsibilities over happiness, in being too proud to admit my limitation towards a certain relationship, in being too doubtful to realize within me there is still some capacity to engage in battles and win them well. These distortions have been affecting me for too long and making me feel as if the world around me is being shaken violently. Just my luck.
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