Doorway to the heart.

Somehow I'd always thought that I can take things alone, I can still pretend strong even if I'm not. But yesterday, I'd lost all the courage to do so.

For some reasons, I just broke down and cried. In fact, I've not been crying my heart out for more than a year now ever since my first relationship failed. I suddenly felt so weak. I realized I hadn't had a shoulder to lean on, to cry on. Moving on has never been this hard. But why is it so hard this time?

It feels surreal. I've been swaying in and out of reality and I can't tell the difference anymore - what's real, what's not. I've completely let go of myself and been allowing new things to seep into my life so easily but yet, I can't get over this blend of emotions I'm feeling right now. The stress I've been going through for the past few weeks - its overwhelming. Before I can digest them all at once, finals is driving me insane already. The complications, the emptiness, the loneliness, the emotions, the frustration, the everything.

Seriously, I don't know what possessed me to jump into this so blindly. It hurts so much to feel this way. Tears keep rolling over my cheek. It strikes me as if this is going to be the end of the world. Is like nobody is there for me at this present time. No one tends to bother about my feeling. At times I feel that people are just using me for their own sake.

Apparently I lost the urge to keep smiling and laughing. I don't know what makes me happy now. Tell me how do I survive this drama alone. Even the strongest people aren't strong enough for this sometimes. Everything just hangs over at this very moment, making my life so difficult. I'm suffocating inside.

It's been a gloomy day thanks to the very gloomy weather and the very fucked up paper.
I'm relief to say that it will be coming to an end, very soon.
And thankfully, my boys are staying here with me tonight.
Hopefully tomorrow's a better day.

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