Maybe I regret everything I said before.

Just when you think you're ready to fly,

Something comes along,
And your wings are clipped..

You're on the ground again.

It's pure irony. Don't ask me what's gotten into me, you won't get an answer. I can barely take it when epiphany after epiphany hit me, and waves of realisation, and then everything crashed across my life. Revelations, resignation, whatever you call them. They always hit me hardest when the time I should be enjoying fullest. Say, what can you do when all your hopes and dreams are dashed? Twice the faith, double the fall. It's funny how quickly disappointment takes over.

They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding..

It's always easy to tell yourself to stay strong, easy to say you're over it, easy to say you've pushed it to the past, but do you really recover from these things? I heard the teardrop hit my pillow before I even knew I was crying... It never rains but it pours.

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?
Does the world stop for one broken heart?
Does it hurt to be unloved?

I really can't adapt to so many things at once. Sometimes I just wonder if everything worth the effort and attention. Things just aren't as simple as I thought they were. Life's never gonna let you take the easy way out, nor will it allow you time to let things settle. Honestly, I don't know how to wake up to myself anymore. I should have learnt to be independent earlier. I shouldn't have placed my hopes that high...

All I feel now is disappointment, tinged with hurt and bitterness at how it all turned out.


* I'd like to apologize for the excessive amount of emotional post. *
Rest assured that things will be brighter from now onwards, I will be a better person.

I will smile. I will laugh. I will be happy, for life have to move on...

- J -

Crying makes me feel thirsty.

Just when I found that shard of hope, it shatters right in front of me.
I will be strong, I will not lose the last shred of my dignity, I will learn to live life once more.





This I swear, I will.

Yesterday once more.

Valentine? Oh.


They don't understand what it means to be sad and heartbroken, because they are the ones who cause others to hurt. Stupid girl, I should have known. It's okay I've grown up once again. Stay strong, to me. I'm sorry for the harsh words spoken at the heat of the moment. After thinking wise, I now see a better picture of.. love. I understand that they too are humans, they too feel pain and hurt. Hence, my sincere apology to all parties.

Happy Valentine's, my loves.

I'm not your princess this ain't a fairytale.

I've been very emo. Very...

Oh girlfriend I never wanna say goodbye.

It has been 8 years altogether now.


Ever since the day we parted, we lead to different path of roads individually but nothing drift us apart.


That girl whom syok sendiri named herself monkey ganas of all names. I KNOW YOU WILL WANNA KILL ME BY NOW AFTER SEEING YOUR CUTE PICTURE BELOW BUT YOU'RE IN AUSSIE NOW MY DEAR. =p Aiseh, let you kill me through online lar kay? Guai ah. HAHA.


One that is my classmate and deskmate for 5 freaking years.


We often find all sorta excuses just to runaway from Pn. Goh's class. We used to copy all our addmaths latihan and failed her paper terribly, below 20 marks. So that's why we will be forever trembling and sweating during her lesson. We are Pn. Goh's BEST students in top class don't pray pray. @_@


We took piano Grade 8 at the same time, and what? Failed together-gether wtf.


We ALWAYS embarrassed ourselves in all kinda of situations, no matter good or bad. -__-


We went to the same tuition everyday, with so many random things happened - in bus, in class, outside class, the tuition people, monkey jantan, YS!


We were stuck with each other almost 7 days a week during form 5. I messed around in her house everyday after school. Her mum knows me more than anyone. o_o


The two of us always go lepak after school just to waste our precious time. Walked all the way to Petaling Street just to buy air mata kuching. =)


We studied together in library, mamak (tempat menjana idea), cafes and our all time favourite spot, Pizza Hut. Until the workers there also recognize us as the super duper hardworking girls. =)


We worked extra hard for Sejarah because we don't wanna lose face to Mr. Chandran. Our Sejarah textbooks.. you should really see. Full of notes and colors. And yes, we did achieved A1 for all the hard works. Paid off very well.


We liked to waste money buying useless but adorable stuffs. We love shopping at Popular bookstore during the younger days, not boutiques like current days. -__-


We stayed up late nights, lying on the bed just to talk anything and everything.


We the animals who went wherever trips and whatever outings together.


We have very contradictory thinking but yet almost the same thoughts each time.


We go out to nowhere, do nothing just for the sake of going out. We are the damn cool people.


She treats my house like her house simply because she loves the food in my fridge and celok my things/clothes like nobody business. AND COOK MY HAR MEE EVERYTIME.


We the sampat people who were reluctant to go home after concert and overnight in town.


My beloved banana karaoke partner, whom can shout giler hyper.


We worked together in HP, met people in life and gained whole loads of new experiences. Suffered yet enjoyed very much at that time. We love the pantry more than anything else in office. =)


She who calls me from her camp back in NS just to tell me how much she's suffering there.


She who calls me whenever she faced breakdowns - exams, transportation, friends or sometimes calls me out of nowhere just to tell me.. craps? Note: Crap which does not make ANY sense.


We whom do all sorts of stupidest and craziest things together. Even the lame-est things on earth.


We, that been through ups and downs, shared tears and laughters all over.


Lee Yen Yen, I love you more than I can say.


I'm really really really sorry to disappoint you that night my dear. I hope you know how bad I was crying while sending you those text messages and you made me cried harder after hanging up on the phone. Enjoy every bit of your life from now onwards, no more regrets k? We'll always be welcoming you home. Miss euuuuuuu!

Xoxo pigGY.

Another glass of whisky but it still don't kill the pain.

Lalala.

I had my last 2 papers back on Tuesday and Thursday.

Tuesday paper was kinda horrible considering the night before was bai tin kung, drama paper falls on 9am the next morning! Wtf right. But nothing stop me from gambling, only started panicking by 5am. Then my dad told me to drive myself to college because he wants to sleep! Hmpf dah lar so nervous, never sleep eyes also cannot open to drive, some more it's in Block H I don't know where to park! Kan cheong kao kao that morning.

My accidental brother called me the next day at bloody 10am when I was just about to doze off after overnight gambling. The phone kept ringing non stop!!! ONE CALL AFTER ANOTHER cilaka so annoying okay! They want to have law discussion, I die die don't want to go but they die die want me to go so what else I can do hmpf. Juan came and picked me half and hour later, the usual 5 had our group study.

At least, at least the day was quite worthy and productive debating laws!

Finale. The big day we've been waiting for. Doomsday! Law law law. Law makes me go dizzy oh crazy okay. Except.. law makes me happy oh merry when I can answer them! Weeeehehehe. =)

MERDEKA PEOPLE! M.E.R.D.E.K.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A!

So immediately after the paper, it was already 4pm, instead of going to eat like we usually did, we headed to our favourite spot right away. CC! Before that, we tapau-ed packets of goreng pisang, keropok lekor and fruits to munch on. Fine.. it was my idea actually. No food no talk. -___-


Zombie so not fun to play! Hmpf always when I wanna attack the humans, stupid Gavin killed me out of nowhere wtf. *cries* Then when it's my turn to be human, he keeps aiming at me! Deng.. hate the fat boomer. *scream* Sobs why my friend like this. Bully noob!

Hmm 3 hours at WCG.

That night, it was quite a last minute decision to visit MOS. Everything was so rush, unprepared and stuff like that, with all the people started ffk-ing at the very critical hour, I wasn't really in the mood to go. Plus I was so tired, so tired with all the sleepless nights. But because I promised the cousin to bring him there, have to somehow give face.



Lucky Ben tagged along, or else I will be like a total stranger there.

It turned out to be such an awesome possum experience. I wasn't drunk; I drank much lesser than what I normally consumed. I was very much conscious but omfg I was floating most of the time. Especially on the dance floor, I nearly trip so many times with my 3 inches heels. And I remembered stepping on a lot of people. @_@

Climbing those flight of stairs.. I barely can walk myself or even stand still. So shaky.



Dance floor was madness! Extremely tired, can just faint and collapse anytime. I now prefer Vodka, it definitely taste better than Chivas! Chivas sucks lar. I want Tequila shots next time. =(

Sober.. a little. No idea why the heck peace sign?

Perhaps, the you-dunno-what-you-are-doing state. +__+

My life revolves only sleeping, eating, gambling, more sleeping, more eating and more gambling everyday now. I'm lifeless already sigh.

.. am I waiting for the time or the time waiting for me?